Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
