you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
