after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
