Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
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