Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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