I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
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