Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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