Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Randomize
