Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Randomize
