some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
And the cops told us we were all naked.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
