yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
