Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
