i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
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