I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Randomize
