All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Randomize
