all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
whose parrot is this?
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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