last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
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