Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
