Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Randomize