I'm gonna have a badass scar
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Randomize