I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
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