Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Randomize
