We're facebook friends in real life
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Randomize
