Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
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