You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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