News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
