so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
