I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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