Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
