I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
