I wish life had little blips of pornography
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
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