you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
