I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
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