did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
