Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize
