i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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