Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
