Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
