then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Fuck me I smell like cheese
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Randomize
