if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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