Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
meet me or not, i'm out of control
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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