make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
