I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
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