My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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