I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
