Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
