Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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