I like to think it a success when the cops are called
Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
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