proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize
