spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
