Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
I skipped work to stalk him.
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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