no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
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Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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