Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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