So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
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apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
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He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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