Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
Randomize
