We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
