Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
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My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
did i walk over a car last night?
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
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How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
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