i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
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