i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
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