just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Randomize
