rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
