why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
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