He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
I want a musical about memes.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
