OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Randomize
