whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
