oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Randomize
