I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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