my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
