Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Sorry about my life...
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
