your room smells of hookers.
And success
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Randomize
