dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
