Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
so let's talk penis.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
