Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
