there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
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