we have pet lesbian snakes
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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