it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Randomize
