Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Randomize
