i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
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