I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
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