Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Randomize
